I'm having fun teaching at this camp, but it certainly is tiring. I like that part of it too though. For the past month I haven't been able to sleep well, and as each day of the camp passes I fall asleep faster and faster. I had trouble sleeping when I was little. I would lay awake for hours before going to bed. I eventually started listening to music, and that helped. I got to where I would fall asleep before the end of the CD. I started this habit before moving, and I can't remember when I stopped listening. I guess I just gradually phased out of it, but I'm glad I did. I actually forgot about the whole music thing until this past month when I began having trouble sleeping again. I played music a couple of nights and went to bed one of those times before the CD ended. I began every sentence in this entry so far with "I" except for one. So much for syntax variety. I'm not even sure why I blog anymore because I'm pretty sure only one person reads this. I guess it's more for myself, which is good. Obviously, I fail to blog for long periods of time, but I enjoy returning to it. The whole beginning every sentence with "I" habit bothers me, but it's hard to think of subject variations when you're rambling on about yourself. I'm a horrible writer. I know some nice words and such; my professors tell me I write beautifully, but I struggle with organization. I'm pretty sure that's true in all facets of my writing. You know, the many, numerous forms of writing I occupy myself with: school papers and occasionally journaling. I really wish I could write a fictional story, but I lack creativity. I sure do enjoy reading a good story though. Speaking of a good read, I'm tempted to not finish "The Android's Dream," but I paid a good $4 for that book and would hate to fail at reading it. It's not too horrible, the writing style is fine, but the story is just uninteresting to me. I figure sci fi is not my thing which I feel bad about because I continue to lack interest in "Ender's Game" that Justin wants me to read. However it's kind of hypocritical that I don't want to read his book yet go out and buy myself some random sci fi book to read. But it had good cover art....and his book doesn't....! slash p

I'm getting more sunburned everyday. I usually don't mind getting sunburned, and this one doesn't bother me (except for the fact that I hope it doesn't progress to the point of constant pain). However I'm one of only three people at this camp who are getting sunburned, and I started burning first. So for some reason, I'm self-conscious about that. It's silly, but I'm used to a group of 150+ people all getting sunburned together, and I feel out of place being one of the only ones that is. The reason only three of us are getting burned is that everyone else teaches music classes indoors while we teach color guard or drum major outside. I love spinning, sweating, and burning outside though; it takes me back to corps. Yesterday I was carrying my flag and rifle up a hill to the dorm during the early afternoon heat after dancing and sweating in a movement class, and I was struck by how good it felt to be in that situation. Except I'm lacking the other 49 people toting flags, rifles, sabres, shields, swords, and spears alongside me. And that I'm 15 pounds heavier.... I don't think I'll ever get over not making Phantom this year. I mean, I don't want a pity party, but like I've said before, it's like your family telling you they don't want you anymore. And it sucks to know that you suck. Phantom made me a whole lot better spinner but not good enough to even go back. Randomly throughout the day I'll remember my failure and keep on rolling it around in my head, dwelling on it. I knew I would feel exactly like this. Before I marched, I planned to only march one year and then do my graphic design internship on my age-out summer. What a stupid plan. I realized the stupidity of this decision while I was still marching last year. Towards the end of the summer people asked each other if they would be coming back. "Heck yes!" I said. "I would die if I was at home knowing y'all were out here spinning without me." And that's what I'm doing. It's not getting better either. It still hurts just as bad now as it did the day I got cut and the day the corps moved in for everydays. I wonder if I'll still feel torn up about it after the season is over. I bet I'll feel even worse then because then I know it's over for good. I'll have officially aged out without marching. Lame. I should have marched somewhere else, anywhere. That's what our only returning guard instructor told me to do. I should have listened, but I thought I had worthwhile things to do here, like two graphic design jobs that have since both fallen through. Yeah, I took a summer class and am teaching this camp and will teach a high school's guard in a week, but it's not worth it. I'd rather be spinning and learning something. It kills me to think I'll never learn more about spinning than I know now because all I have left is State's guard. Woo. Hoo. I probably couldn't march a world class winter guard because I hear that Phantom's winter guard was even tougher than its color guard, so that's a definite closed door to any world class door I imagine. Wow, I said no pity party, but look at all this whining! This "paragraph" fills up this typing box and then some!

Let's think about something happy! Justin's coming home on Saturday, not Sunday! Life returns, yay! THEN we're going to New Orleans on Sunday! Funtimes! Then we're going to visit his family for a few days! Then...I have to go home to watch the pets while my dad travels to Pennsylvania to play war games for five days. *tear* I imagine Justin will want to stay in Starkville and work, and I'm not sure my parents would be keen on him staying at our house while my dad's not there at all. Maybe he can come for a few days. If not, I won't see him for another week because I'll be at home the next week as well to teach a band camp. Then the next week I actually have to stay in the school's town because they'll be having full- instead of half-day practice. The end of the summer is kicking into top gear as opposed to the relatively listless two previous months. I have a lot to do: I'd like to finish a poster competition entry, I need to practice for wind ensemble auditions, and I have to write a guard show. Somehow I have to accomplish all this while traveling and still being away from Justin. Fast-paced and hopefully fun. Right now, sleep sounds like fun! I'm already looking forward to breakfast too! We eat dinner at 5:00 while I'm used to eating at 6:00, so with that and running around with kids, I'm hongray!

I moved into a dorm today! That sounds so silly. Actually it's kind of exciting because I have internet!! And cable. But it's freezing cold in here. I can barely type, and my nose is starting to run. I'm excited about the camp though. Something to do! People always talk to me after midnight on Facebook, so no time to blog! Chat and cold sleep. ;-;